Tuesday, November 7, 2017

Tips For Overcoming Sexual Struggles As a Single Christian Girl

As I sat across the table, my close friend just inches away, I held onto a thought that I desperately wanted to tell her. We were in the middle of your typical everyday girl chat over a hot cup of freshly brewed coffee.

But the entire time, there was one thing trapped in my mind, desperately wanting to be released. I wanted to tell her about how much I  was struggling with lustful sexual thoughts. This had been something I was struggling with for way too long and wanted more than anything to confess it.

But I was so scared. I felt like the only girl who actually struggled with this. I knew i'd be humiliated if I admitted to having this problem. Hours through the conversation, with sweat dripping from my palms I finally mustered up to the courage and blurted out the words. 

To my surprise, she struggled in this area too! She even felt relieved that I'd brought it up, because she really wanted to talk about it as well. 

When it comes to sexual struggles, this topic isn't as often discussed in the female, Christian circle. If you search for books or sermons on this topic they're usually geared towards men. But really, us girls are struggling too.

For so long, I hated my sexual desires. They felt totally useless to me as a single girl and even more so-- a burden. After that conversation with my friend, I decided to see what God's purpose for my sexuality was. What I found was liberating:

- God gave us the gift of sexual desire to be able to look forward to the gift of sexual intimacy within marriage.

- Sexual desire not only points us towards a possible marriage but to Christ himself. Our desire for sexual intimacy is a shadow of our desire for God.

There really was nothing wrong with me, I wasn't the only girl struggling and I wasn't created with some strange malfunction. It was all a part of God's good plan. But there was something very wrong with allowing my desires to turn into lustful sin. And that's the place where many of us struggle. How can we gladly accept God's design for our sexuality and learn how to control our desire for physical intimacy?

As a single woman, I can honestly say this is tough area. But I came up with four really good tips that have been life changing in my journey through the tough area of sexual struggles:

Tip #1. Talk about your struggles with your mom or another trusted older woman

Before you skip over this tip, don't. I know what your thinking: "no way will I ever tell my mom about my sexual struggles." When it comes to our parents we tend to view them as perfect saints who have never struggled sexually a day in their life.

But that is far from the truth. Your mother likely sailed in a similar boat as the one you're sailing through now. She understands a lot more than you think. Not only does she understand, but she can offer you personalized support, advice and accountability. 

Your mother or even another trust older woman can be the most valuable resource for overcoming your sexual struggles.

Tip #2. Clear the stage for sexual purity

Imagine you're in a theater watching a play. The main character opens his mouth ready to speak when a dozen other cast member begin to speak too. They're each screaming lines at the top of their lungs all at once, so loud that you can't even hear the main characters voice.

Purity works a lot like that. We want to keep a pure heart, mind, and body but our lives are sometimes filled with sexual, images, messages and very little boundaries. Sometimes we place our very own selves right in the face of temptation. 

If we want to have a pure heart, mind and body, we'll have to clear the stage for it. Certain movies, games, or even Instagram friends are going to have to be removed.

Tip #3. Fill your mind with God's truth

Imagine they finally clear the noisy stage. All the actors are removed and the set is bare. We sit in the audience in awkward silence. Clearly, a huge mistake has been made. With no one on stage, the show won't progress forward. We come to a strange stand still.

We can't just clear the stage for purity. If we want to grow in sexual purity we'll have to fill our minds with God's truth. We'll have to understand Christ's good purpose for our sexual desires if we want to share in His love for it.

Tip #4. Cling to grace

As I confessed above, I struggled with sinful sexual thoughts. The most difficult part was really clinging to God's grace when I'd mess up. I'd feel as if he didn't love me anymore, or that I just wasn't saved.

But the bible offers us a hopeful truth, "I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand." (John 10:28). No matter how bad we mess up, nothing and no one can steal our salvation. Even our sexual sins are forgivable. And the best part is, His grace not only saves us from the penalty of our sexual sins, but it saves us from the power that sexual sin had over us. Because of God's grace we can repent and turn away from sin and embrace a life a purity.


  1. This is a really huge struggle for me. Thank you for the reminder that im not alone

  2. Thank you for this post. I know it must have been hard to write, but it was such a blessing to read!

  3. Thank you for your comment! I am so glad it was a blessing for you!!

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  5. i struggle with this too. i really hope i can have victory of this

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