Tuesday, February 6, 2018

3 Lessons I Learned From a Bad Relationship

Another one.

After seeing red flag after red flag, here comes another. 

My (then) boyfriend and I were almost six months into our relationship when the signs came creeping in. I didn't want to believe it. I wanted to ignore them. I wanted him to be the one. I wanted marriage.

After many conversations with my friends and family, I knew it was time to break things off. I had strung this relationship on for way too long. 

The breakup was hard. Probably one of the hardest things I had to do. 

When it comes to dating, I subscribe to the belief that in any relationship you should be growing closer to your boyfriend and closer to God, together.

In my relationship, I was growing closer to my boyfriend but away from God. 

Ending the relationship, though it was hard, wasn't the end of the world. And I came out with new wisdoms that I want to share with you in this blog:

1. It's better to end a bad relationship than to marry into one.

As you could see, I absolutely wanted marriage. So much so that I was willing to brush aside important red flags.

I remember having lunch with an older friend of mine who gave me some life-changing advice. She said "It's better to end a bad relationship then to end up in a bad marriage." And she was so right. 

Once your in marriage, your in. It's a covenant relationship that can't easily be broken. That's why it's so important to chose wisely. This doesn't mean that we have wait for the perfect person. No, it just means not settling for what you know isn't right.

2. Don't be afraid to ask questions.

When I was trying to discern whether or not my boyfriend would be a good choice, asking questions played a huge role in that process.

The culture around us has a "fall in love first, ask questions later" kind of mentality. We see it in all the Hollywood films and read it in all the romance novels. 

But this approach to romance isn't a wise approach. Asking questions is an important part of discerning whether or not the relationship is a good fit for marriage. After all, this is what a dating relationship is designed for: to see if marriage is a possibility. 

3. Invite outside input.

I probably never would have ended my bad relationship if it weren't for the input of my family and friends. The people around you can see if this relationship is steering you in the right direction or the wrong direction.

It's okay to let others in on the things you discuss in your relationship, things you do, etc. 

Your parents, friends, and siblings can all offer wise council on what they're noticing. They can see certain red flags that we tend to overlook when our feelings and emotions get so involved into a relationship. They can even offer advice on how to handle certain situations. God created us to be a community, so don't be afraid to let your community help.

Relationships are a tricky area. I strongly encourage you to take this area of your life seriously. Don't be scared to end a bad relationship, ask questions, and invite outside council.

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